Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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