I want to walk on stilts...naked
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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