my soul wont recognize me after tonight
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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