Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
