Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
