I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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