it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
