Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
