I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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