I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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