One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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