some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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