u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
