just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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