like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
