I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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