We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
