Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
