the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
