SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
