If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
