it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
