Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
