hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
