Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
