you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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