He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
