No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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