I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
