I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I'm really busy with my period
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