Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
