he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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