You're a womanizer and a bitch.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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