I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
