Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
