someone threw a dead crab at me
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We were destined to go to rehab together
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I need to calm my uterus...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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