Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
