I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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