george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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