I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
