your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
