And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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