i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The beer is more important than you right now.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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