i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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