Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
