Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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