you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
