Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
