He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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