I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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