Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
